Mother’s Day is today and it’s a great time to reflect on how important this lady is in our lives. Whatever your relationship may be with your mother, it’s still important to thank her for the biggest, first and foremost action of love a human being can impart on another human being – giving birth to you. You may not be singing in the meadows like the ‘Sound of Music’, and you may not be best buddies with your mother, but one thing’s for sure – nothing can beat the bond between a mother and her child.
I am going to write about my personal experience, because who is the expert on that but me? My relationship with my mother, in my eyes, is truly unique. In some aspects, it doesn’t seem that way, because I just assume that a lot of daughters have that kind of relationship with their mother. I am an only child, so you can imagine the brunt of the “mothering” fell on me – there was no even distribution of wealth since I had no siblings. So if I acted up, I heard about it; if I did well in school, I heard about it….and yes, there were a lot of ‘lumps and bumps’ along the way (it was a learning process for both of us) but one thing is for sure…the woman I am today is because of her.
When I was a little girl, my parents taught me so many morals and values and these lessons have shaped who I am and what I’ve become. BUT, a kid is a kid, and some of the wrong that I’ve done are simply because I CHOSE to do them. I’m an adult now, but I’m also human and that doesn’t stop me from making poor choices even when the parental guidance is still there. So let’s rewind, shall we? A lot of people, ever since I was young, have had this notion that I was (and still am) a spoiled brat. When I was little, I had no ‘witty comeback’ or quick answer to take refuge in. As I got older, it got easier. Whenever someone finds out that I am an only child and they say, “You know what they say about only children…” I immediately respond with, “To an extent”. Since my response catches them off-guard, I further explain by saying, “My parents taught me the value of hard work. They taught me that I won’t always get my way simply by throwing a tantrum.” When I was little, I saw no value in this lesson; as an adult, I see that this is truly one of THE most important lessons I have ever learned in my entire life! True, my parents gave me what they could and what they felt was enough to give me, but they always taught me that if I wanted something really bad enough, that I should put the metal to the ground and get to working! My parents were a balance of everything: they gave me everything, but held off on some; they were strict, but lenient; they were parents, but also my playmates while I was growing up. If you think about it, I am the luckiest kid on the planet – I had the best of ALL worlds! My parents gave me structure and a sound foundation that (although I may never tell them) I am forever indebted and grateful beyond belief for!
I’d like to share some stories to highlight this. One of them goes like this. When I was in school, my parents scraped whatever they could to send me to a private school. They weren’t dirt poor, but they weren’t billionaire tycoons either. To send me to a parochial school took a lot of money and they did their best. Having nuns and priests as teachers wasn’t easy; as a matter of fact, one of the nuns was a terror and tough as nails, but for some reason she liked me and I liked her back (secretly). The system in this school was rigorous and I remember that it didn’t bother me so much. In first grade, we had a “special notebook” which we would read out of everyday while that nun counted the donation money. I used to read ahead because I was a bit bored and I was reprimanded a few times by that nun for going too fast. After some discussions, there was a consideration to put me in a gifted program, but for some reason, it didn’t pan out…perhaps due to location and/or money. So, I made the best of my situation and instead of dwelling on not going to that program, I excelled in school. I did my best and my first ever “Drill Sargent” (aka Mom) made sure I did my best. If I got a 98 on a test, this question would follow, “What happened to the other two points?” Now before some of you start thinking, “What is wrong with her?” and “Why would a mother do that?”, let me tell you this…..although I didn’t appreciate her lack of enthusiasm about my grade back then, I could appreciate WHY she did it and you know what? I AM SO GLAD SHE DID. She pushed me to work harder because: A) I didn’t want to hear it again, and B) I knew I was capable of more. Without her little “pushes” I wouldn’t be where I am today. Now let me clarify: she is NOT one of those psycho moms who push their kids to the brink of insanity, but she did enough to motivate me to want to do better for myself. This leads me to my next story: my mother promised me a puppy as a reward for achieving first honors in the eighth grade. I worked hard and achieved my end of the bargain, but….To this day, as I write this, I still have YET to see a puppy according to that deal. It’s now become a running joke between my parents and I and I believe the value of hard work is still lingering in there somewhere. Now my mother’s response to, “Where’s my puppy?” is: “Well now you can get it yourself!” Haha.
Fast forward to today: I am a grown adult and despite being one, I still value the opinions of my mom. Don’t get me wrong….we still disagree on certain things, but I feel that our bond has changed. Bonds with mothers are a dynamic thing….they’re constantly changing and evolving with the changing times and with experiences, and life in general. Nowadays, I see mom as both mom and best friend. When you get older, there are times you just want her to listen to you like a BFF and not as mom. Unfortunately, it’s hard for her to leave the “mom” thing on the back burner for a little while, because she can’t help but to want to jump into action to protect her little girl. Sometimes this can be a bone of contention and disagreements can ensue, but in the end, it all seems to work out. What saddens me is that sometimes I still have that kid mentality that my parents are going to live forever. I happen to be one of the lucky ones who has a REALLY REALLY strong bond with both of my parents, and it breaks my heart to see them get older and get sicker. I know this is a fact of life and I have to deal with it, but call me selfish…..I want the people who have had my back (and still do to this day) to live forever. Friends, other family members, and ex-boyfriends have come and gone, but these people, no matter how bad our disagreements may have gotten, have always been there to catch me when I fall. Even as an adult, they still do that for me! How can I not be grateful? Even though I may not be the richest in the world, I feel BEYOND blessed to have this relationship with my parents. Not everyone is THAT fortunate, and for that I feel bad. My parents even “adopt” my closest friends as their own kids…..what loving and great people!
Before I close, I also want to give a special mention to those without 2-legged children (like myself)…you deserve a Happy Mother’s Day greeting as well, if you have a 4-legged child like me. Not to brag, but my little one, Oreo, is giving me snuggles and cuddles tomorrow….best Mother’s Day present EVER (so far)….can’t wait!
So please, whatever you do, take the time to reflect on the most important woman in your life. Spend some time with her; take her out to eat, or send her a card (even if it’s late), just to let her know you are thinking of her. If you live far away and are able to do so, spare five minutes to brighten her day and give her a call. Stop by for 5 minutes with a bouquet of flowers. If she is no longer living, spend 5 minutes to remember her, pray for her, visit her at the cemetery and say thank you and I love you. If your relationship is strained, try your hardest to say that you’re thinking of her (at least for today) and it may open dialogue – all the hurt that needs to come out may come out and may make the two of you feel better. If you’re adopted, make sure your mother knows the special place she holds in your heart as well. All it takes five minutes….not so bad in the grand scheme of things. You have 1,440 minutes a day…..5 out of 1440 is nothing compared to the nine months she carried you and the minutes or hours of labor she endured having you; or the moths of prep work that went into adopting you…so I challenge you: 5 out of 1440.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there (no matter the kind – stepmother, god mothers, adopted mothers, pet mothers, grandmothers, etc.)! Enjoy your day and I hope you are all treated like royalty!
XOXOXOXO,
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